Essay Grade

The Case of L
Presenting Problem
Client presented in the emergency room (ER) having been brought in the previous night
by her parents. Following an argument with her parents, L cut her right wrist. L’s mother
reported that L started screaming rapidly and became physically violent toward her prior
to cutting her own wrist.
Psychological Data
L is a 17-year-old Hispanic female who resides in Pennsylvania with her mother, father,
and older sister. She is in 11th grade at the local public school.
L appeared to be of average to above-average intelligence, as she was able to respond
to numerous questions in an articulate and intelligent manner. She was well versed
about world history and current affairs. Her mother confirmed that she has done well in
school, maintaining a B+ average and participating in various school activities (e.g.,
chorus, school paper) until last year. L slowly dropped out of many activities she liked in
the past. Her mother noticed about 8 months ago that L had also begun having difficulty
doing schoolwork.
Erratic behavior arose during episodes when L also became irritable and explosive.
During these repeated episodes, she became quite defiant, cut classes, had to be
placed in school detention, and had even assaulted the principal. L has numerous
friends and believed she can relate to all types of people. She has a boyfriend who
adores her, but she said she doesn’t feel the same about him. The school counselor
confirmed that L is outgoing, popular, and smart; but during these episodes she became
another person, one who is very violent and difficult.
Medical History
A physical examination by a staff doctor revealed superficial cuts on L’s left and right
wrist. The cuts appeared to be a few weeks old. There were cigarette burns on her right
wrist that looked to be approximately one week old. In questioning L about the cigarette
burns, L responded, “I just wanted to see how it felt—now I know.” When questioned
about old cuts on her left wrist, she responded, “I don’t want to talk about it.” L weighs
103 pounds and is 5’ 6” tall. L denied any dieting or fasting, but her mother noticed over
this past year that her weight has dropped.
Substance Abuse History
L denied any drug or alcohol use. When she was questioned regarding such, her
response was “I could do drugs if I wanted to. I don’t want to, because it’s dumb.”
Family History
L’s mother is 42 years old and works as a secretary for a large telephone company. Her
father is 49 years old and operates a small landscaping business. Both are U.S.
citizens, with a cultural background from Guatemala of which they are proud. Both have
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a high school education. L’s sister is considerably younger, aged 8. Their relationship is
described as unremarkable, although L’s mother noted that the younger sister stays
away when L is upset. Marital circumstances are uncertain, although the parents
admitted that they are trying to keep the family together for their children, and they are
of the Catholic faith. Treatment costs for L have been an additional difficulty for the
family, but they said they are very worried about L’s lack of self-control and discipline.
Extended family are far away and mostly still in Guatemala. L’s parents were not aware
of any other family members with psychiatric problems.
Psychiatric History
L was evaluated three times at the community hospital ER during the past 4 years.
Hospital evaluations were usually done after suicide attempts or threatening violent
behavior toward others. L thought that the clinicians trying to diagnose her only had
book skills and no people skills. She assumed that no one will ever know what is wrong
with her; she did not plan to tell them because she doesn’t like them. L said she knows
she “is not crazy,” but she was convinced that the therapist thought she is crazy or a
“bad” kid. “They’re just experimenting with me,” L said. L indicated that she had been
prescribed medications to alter her mood, but she couldn’t recall what it was, as she
stated, “I don’t need those; nothing is wrong with me.”
L’s mother reported that L was involved in outpatient counseling on at least four
occasions as well as being placed in a shelter once after school truancy, running away
from home, and threatening to assault her. A social worker was even sent for home
visits for a 3-month period. Each time, L would abruptly end therapy by becoming
verbally abusive or totally noncommunicative toward the therapist and would adamantly
refuse to continue therapy. She even admitted to shoving a desk toward a therapist and
threatening her with a pencil. When questioned about this behavior, L responded, “Well
she told me to express myself and let my true feelings out, so I did.” (L also laughed and
glanced at her mother during this exchange.) L’s mother was particularly perplexed and
overwhelmed by these behaviors. She stated that her husband is completely frustrated
and angry. Both admitted that L’s behavior is part of the considerable strain on their
marriage.
L denied being under any continued psychiatric care even though it was recommended
numerous times. She refused to go, stating, “The therapists are the ones who are
crazy.” L was first seen in outpatient counseling 9 years ago after she began to have
nightmares and experienced tremendous anxiety after her godmother threatened to
kidnap her. Her godmother became obsessed with L when L was 6 years old, first
threatening to kidnap her then. Her godmother had to be institutionalized after exhibiting
bizarre behavior. Recently, the godmother started threatening to kidnap L again.
Three years ago, L was sent for counseling after she ran away from home after getting
a bad report card and also discovering that her parents were considering a divorce. L
requested therapy, as she reported that at 8 years of age she was sexually molested by
an older man in the community (who is now deceased). She expressed having mixed
emotions, because she viewed her perpetrator as her friend. By pretending that nothing
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happened, she could think of him as a nice old man, and she didn’t have to deal with the
thought of something this bad happening to her. L’s mother reported that she herself
was raped at 8 years old and that L had knowledge of this. Two years ago, L and the
entire family again became involved in outpatient counseling after L’s godmother
accused L’s mother of child abuse. L’s mother thought this was largely done out of spite.
An investigation by Child Protective Services revealed no abuse.
Mental Status (1 day after she had been evaluated at the ER)
L presented casually, disheveled, in shorts and a tee shirt, and with minimal makeup. L
admitted to being in a nasty mood. There was little eye contact, and conversation was
difficult. Thought and speech patterns were clear. Affect was flat. She was oriented to
time, place, and person. L denied feeling depressed. When questioned about her
suicide attempt the previous day, she suddenly became quiet and teary eyed. She
lowered her head and responded, “You don’t understand, he made me do it. I don’t
want to hurt myself.” L denied even remembering cutting her wrist, saying, “He must
have done it or made me do it.”
L was questioned about the person she was talking about. She related that there has
been a male presence in her life since she was 6 years old and that he makes her do
things that she doesn’t want to do or things she can’t even remember. This presence
showed up after the funeral of her best friend, Michael. L said he communicates with
her through her mind. She seemed distressed when speaking about him. Her mother
appeared distressed and fearful as well. L’s mother confirmed that L had trouble
sleeping and concentrating at school after the funeral. She did not want to attend Girl
Scouts anymore, because the uniform had gotten tight and the male presence was
laughing at her. L’s mother remembered how scared she had become on a few
occasions when L attempted to run out into traffic. Every time L’s mother yelled at L for
doing that, L stated that the male presence explained that this was how she could join
her friend Michael. L’s mother took L to a therapist. When L entered the third grade, L’s
mother took her out of therapy.
L reported that during her awake hours she can’t see this presence, but she can sense
him. She said she does see him in her dreams, and his appearances in them have
intensified within the past year. In her dreams, he torments children, and he controls
people through a haunted mirror and a magic book. He reads and controls thoughts. L
described him this way: “He looks in his 40s, but is really ageless. Always dressed in
dark colors, but I can’t tell the exact colors he wears. I know his eyes are powerful, but I
never really look at his eyes.”
L was asked why she never shared this information before. She stated, “Because I
would be put in the hospital and medicated—and I told you, I’m not crazy. I know you
don’t understand, but I am him and he is me, and he eventually wants to totally control
me.” She admitted to acting out impulsively at times, such as throwing things for no
reason. L reported that the presence was in the room during this interview. When
questioned about why he doesn’t influence her now or make her do something, she
replied, “He’s too smart, he wouldn’t do that.” L also mentioned that during the past
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couple of months another male presence has been with her. This new presence seems
to be controlled by and intimidated by the primary presence. The two males
communicate with one another about how to hurt the children in her dreams.
L ended the session by saying, “I know this sounds weird, but this is what is happening
to me. If you tell any other therapist, I’ll deny it, because I don’t want to be put away.”
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Alcoholism Treatment Quarterly
ISSN: 0734-7324 (Print) 1544-4538 (Online) Journal homepage: http://www.tandfonline.com/loi/watq20
Addictions as Emotional Illness: The Testimonies of
Anonymous Recovery Groups
Paula Helm
To cite this article: Paula Helm (2016) Addictions as Emotional Illness: The Testimonies
of Anonymous Recovery Groups, Alcoholism Treatment Quarterly, 34:1, 79-91, DOI:
10.1080/07347324.2016.1114314
To link to this article: https://doi.org/10.1080/07347324.2016.1114314
Published online: 08 Jan 2016.
Submit your article to this journal
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http://www.tandfonline.com/action/journalInformation?journalCode=watq20
ALCOHOLISM TREATMENT QUARTERLY
2016, VOL. 34, NO. 1, 79–91
http://dx.doi.org/10.1080/07347324.2016.1114314
Addictions as Emotional Illness: The Testimonies of
Anonymous Recovery Groups
Paula Helm, PhD
Department of Political Theory, Goethe Universität, Frankfurt, Germany
ABSTRACT
Participants in recovery groups from a variety of addictions,
following the Alcoholics Anonymous model, identify with each
other as suffering from a common “illness of the emotions.”
This study analyzes metaphors used to describe the patterns
and dynamics of this emotional illness and recovery, derived
from the personal writings and testimonials of group participants. Ways in which the participants discover alternate ways
to deal with their emotional illness other than manipulating it
to an active addiction are also explored.
KEYWORDS
Addictions; emotion illness;
alcoholics anonymous;
recovery groups; personal
writings and testimonials;
anonymity
Introduction
Mutual support-groups are one of the most striking phenomena in the field
of addictions therapy. Mutual support groups are nonprofessional, self-organized groups that follow the approach of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). In
those groups people who suffer from various kinds of addictions meet to
address not only their symptoms of their illness but also the deeper emotional roots of their condition. In doing so, they understand addiction not
only mentally and physically but experientially. This level of understanding is
germane to the process of recovery as it addresses a disease induced and selfimposed emotional isolation that is born out of a fear of facing the pain and
suffering associated with one’s disease.
In the recovery groups, participants develop the ability to face themselves
and the reality of their destructive behavior seen through the eyes of another
with the same condition. Yet, before the group experience, participants fear
this pivotal moment. This fear of seeing the reality of their disease in the eyes
of another dooms these individuals. Based on this insight, participants of
early AA groups developed a new category to describe their alcoholism as an
“illness of the emotions” (Alcoholics Anonymous [AA], 1957, p. 239) they
called it. Using this category they could identify with each other on a deeper
CONTACT Paula Helm, PhD
helm@em.uni-frankfurt.de
Department of Political Theory, Goethe Universität
Frankfurt, Room 3. G 039, Theodor-W-Adorno-Platz 6, 60323 Frankfurt am Main, Germany.
The author approved the manuscript and this submission. The author reports no conflicts of interest.
© 2016 Taylor & Francis Group, LLC
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level other than just a behavioral level, finding solace in the commonality of
their suffering and breaking through their isolation.
Analyzing groups that understand addiction as an illness of the emotions
adds to our understanding of the multidimensional character of addiction.
The focus of this article is on emotional illness as an essential component of
substance use disorders. Using an ethnographic approach the aim of this
study is to capture patterns of emotional illness, identified by studying the
groups themselves as well as personal stories, which participants’ author as
part of their therapeutic process. In their personal writings they reflect not
only on their disease but also on their recovery. An analysis of group rituals
and personal stories of the participants identifies not only patterns of emotional illness but also of emotional recovery as recounted in group settings.
Method
A 2-year imperial study was undertaken to identify and collate patterns of
emotional illness and recovery as recounted in recovery groups. Two primary
sources were identified:
(1) Personal testimony archived by recovery groups such as AA, Narcotics
Anonymous (NA), Sex Addicts Anonymous, Overeaters Anonymous,
and various autobiographic writings that have been published by the
groups.
(2) Personal participatory observation by the author in the recovery
groups in New York and in Germany.
Sample
The sample comprises a heterogeneous mixture of 50 narratives, between
1930 and 2013, including members of different groups, of varying ages,
genders, and cultural backgrounds. The sample consists of unpublished
narratives, written for the purpose of creating a moral inventory and taken
from trademarked texts of 12-Step networks; the source texts were on loan
from each group’s World Service Office (WSO). Metaphors used to express
and define emotional illness and recovery were collected from members’
autobiographic writings and personal testimonies. The narratives over the
years were studied to determine which elements of the narrative structure
remained consistent despite cultural and historical changes.
Because all the stories of the sample conform to one specific narrative
structure that addresses the taking of a moral inventory of one‘s internal
experience, examples from single stories can be quoted to represent an
archetype. The authors themselves call the way they structure their narratives
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a “formula” (AA, 2003). This formula was developed in the 1930s when the
founders of AA collected participant narratives designed to tease out the
typical patterns of emotional reactions to varied stimuli. The following quote
from a letter from Bill W. to Bob S. captures this trend and the origins of a
narrative “formula”:
It might be a good idea to ask people to write their own stories in their own
language and at all the length they want to cover those experiences from childhood
up which illustrate the salient points of their character. Probably emphasis should
be placed on those qualities and actions which caused them to come into collision
with their fellows. The queer state of mind and emotion, the first medical attention
required, the various institutions visited; these ought to be brought in. (. . .) There
ought to be descriptions of the feelings when he met our crowd, his feeling of
hopelessness and the victory over it, his application of principles to his everyday
life, including domestic, business and relations the problems which still face him,
and his progress with them; these are other possible points. (AA, 1935–1939,
Bill W. letter to Bob S., 1938)
The formula extracted from the stories collected during the following months
serves as an emotional compass, a compass helping to “make sense of
otherwise confusing sequences of experience” (AA, 1935–1939, Bill W. letter
to Bob S., 1938).
In this article, quotes taken from an overall sample of 20 unpublished
documents and 30 published documents, all following the original formula, are used to exemplify the patterns of emotional illness and
recovery.
The author also used data for analysis and reference based on ethnographic insights gathered during one year of participant observation of
mutual support groups in New York and Germany. The author identified
herself as a researcher in open meetings conducted by Overeaters
Anonymous, Underearners Anonymous, Sex Addicts Anonymous, AA, NA,
and Al-Anon Family Groups.
Analysis
To get insight into the dynamics of emotional illness and recovery process an
empirical investigation was conducted, that combined two different
approaches:
(1) For analyzing the concepts of emotional illness indicating the different
areas of addiction and recovery within the autobiographic writings, a
method was applied that works through coding and decoding metaphors. The method was developed by Lakoff and Johnson (2003). It
focuses on how people express subtle emotional processes by projecting commonly used metaphors on to psychological and emotional
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platforms. As a first step in developing an initial system of categorization, an open-coding pass was applied on all the text materials of the
sample. As a second step, new codes were added whenever a new
metaphor arose that did not fit into any of the previously created
categories. After classification, all codes were clustered thematically
using affinity diagramming.
(2) Turner’s ritual-theory (Turner, 1969, 2000) helps us understand the
manner in which mutual support interacts with patterns of emotional
illness. The common rituals practiced in the groups were studied
following this model. The model concentrates on those ritualized
sequences that, despite the different locations, sizes, and topics of the
groups, were repeated each and every time. This focus enables us to
identify the substantial factors in a group setting that empower people
to communicate their emotions and thereby allows mutual identification at the emotional level.
By combining both approaches, the textual analysis and the ritual study,
six major themes of emotional illness and four major themes of emotional
recovery were be identified.
Theoretical basis
The study embraced a subject-centered perspective (Reckwitz, 2003, p. 284).
This perspective implies that the participants themselves are understood to
be the “experts of their own life” (Thiersch, 2002, p. 124).
Another analytical foundation of this study was one that identified the
groups as rites of transition (Van Gennep, 1960/2010). In analyzing the
ritualized process of change taking place within the group participants, the
Turner model of liminality was used. This model understands liminality as a
performativity created space where people (inter)act “beyond the norms and
ideals of the social structure” (Turner, 1969, p. 94). Defining the groups as
such a space, where people can experience themselves through a paradigm
other than that to which they are accustomed, allows nonparticipants to
understand how participation in anonymous group rituals positively affects
the process of transition from emotional illness to emotional health.
Barthes’ (1982) methodology provides the framework for the critical
approach concerning the social factors of the disease of addiction. He
advises analyzing pre- and late-modern narrative structures as myths. His
approach to history is performative, meaning he understands the subjective perception of reality as determined through a specific representation
of the past, which gives meaning and creates cultural currency. This
approach serves the purpose of determining how the exchange of
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unconscious, tacit norms influences participants, and how it correlates to
broader mythological concepts.
Results
The result section is divided into two parts. The first part is devoted to the
five patterns of emotional illness as found in the textual analysis: initial crisis,
rationalizing contradictions, metaphors of fight and war, a public and private
self, and cycles of selfishness. The second part deals with the narrative of
emotional recovery as practiced in the groups and as exemplified in the
autobiographic writings of participants. Four patterns are identified: hitting
bottom, anonymity, the emotional bottom, capitulation.
Patterns of emotional illness
Initial crisis
An initial crisis is a common theme in all of the samples that were analyzed.
These crises are described as either personal losses, or collective events such
as war, financial crisis. Bill W.’s narrative, in 1939, serves as a constant point
of reference for such a crisis:
War fever ran high in the New England town to which we knew, young officers
from Plattburg were assigned. [. . .) I was part of life at least and in the midst of
excitement I discovered liquor. (. . .) In time we sailed “Over There.” I was very
lonely and again I turned to Alcohol. Much moved, I wandered outside. My
attention was caught by doggerel on an old tombstone: “Here lies a Hamshire
Grenadier who caught his death drinking cold small beer. A good soldier is ne’er
forgot hether he dieth by musket or by pot.” Ominous warning—which I failed to
heed. (AA, 1939, p. 1)
Bill W. describes how he uses alcohol as a comforter to avoid experiencing
the emotional loneliness of his wartime experience and the distress of his
subsequent postwar disorientations. Bill uses alcohol to numb his emotional
pain and in doing so enters a downward spiral of obsession, compulsion, and
addiction. Alcoholics like Bill W. are unable to confront their emotional
illness and continue to pursue a pattern of life, seeking temporary relief in
alcohol-induced forgetfulness.
Rationalizing contradictions
Another theme of contradiction and rationalization emerges from an analysis
of the samples. This emotional conflict is again captured in the writings of
Bill W. Upon his return from the war he was conflicted by the demands of
leadership and of obedience. He uses the myth of the drunken genius to
excuse his spirit of rebelliousness. Bill W., writing in 1939, describes his
emotional confusion as follows:
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Twenty-two, and already a veteran of foreign wars, I went home at last. (. . .) I took
a night law course, and obtained employment (. . .) Potential alcoholic that I was, I
nearly failed my law course. Though my drinking was not yet continuous, it
already disturbed my wife. I would still her forebodings by telling her that the
men of genius always conceived their most majestic construction of philosophical
thought when drunk. (AA, 1939, p. 2)
He rationalizes his drinking by using the myth of the drunken genius who
can be extremely creative when drunk. His fanciful thinking is again captured
in the following quote:
Twenty-two, and already a veteran of foreign wars, I went home at last. I fancied
myself a leader, for had not the men of my battery given me a special token of
appreciation? My talent for leadership, I imagined, would place me at the head of
vast enterprises. The drive for success was on and took me to Wall Street. Many
lost money but some became rich—why not I? (AA, 1939, p. 2)
Like Bill W., Susan, a young member of NA finds the roots of her illness in
her first life crisis. Her crisis is of a personal nature. It is constructed around
the death of her father. However different the natures of Susan and Bills’
crises, the reader finds in both stories the common thread of disorientation:
After my father died, I did not know where to go. I felt lost. Since my father always
told me that he was going to meet friends when going to the pub, I started going
there too, searching for consolation. (. . .) What I found there was alcohol. The
bottle soon became my best and only friend. (Narcotics Anonymous, 1986, p. 7)
Susan didn’t know how to handle becoming an orphan at age 18. Because she
had no social network, like NA or AA to direct her in her grief work, she felt
helplessly stuck. The resulting reaction was a desperate search for a friend,
giving her orientation. She sought solace from her emotional pain in her new
friend; that friend was the Friend in the Bottle.
Metaphors of fight and war
An analysis of the samples reveals that metaphors of fight and war were used
to capture the emotional illness of persons with various addictions. The
following quotes, taken from autobiographies of participants with different
addictions, genders, and social status, capture one more piece of fight and war.
Jane writes in Overeaters Anonymous (2001), “I had built an armor of fat,
protecting me from my subtle anger against all men. This armor was my prison”
(p. 10). Bill writes in AA (1939), “Out of an alloy of drink and speculation I
commenced to forge the weapon that one day would turn its flight like a
boomerang and all but cut me to ribbons” (p. 2). Bob writes in AA (1939), “At
the end I had no more power left to fight.” Susan writes in her personal
testimonies, “I realized I treated my addiction like an inner enemy. Today I
know I have to welcome this enemy as friend, if I wish to stay abstinent”
(Susan N., personal testimonies, collected 2014).
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In these examples, one can see different approaches that capture the
interior struggle of persons dealing with the emotional illness of their condition. The following questions emerge: Who is fighting against whom here
and how to help the struggling individuals deal with the conflict?
A public and a private self
The narratives reveal that persons with addictions deal with two competing
notions of self: a public self and a private self. The emotional illness of the
addiction finds full expression in the private self. Various substances and behaviors are used to numb the sense of pain that is experienced by the private self.
At the same time, the person seeks to maintain an idealized public self. To
maintain some sense of balance between the competing selves, the person
who is drug dependent uses destructive rationalizations, denial, and isolation
to deal with a bipolar self. The private and public images drift further and
further apart as the addiction progresses, producing feelings of constant
emotional isolation and alienation. Helen, an Overeaters Anonymous member, describes this feeling of the two separate selves as follows:
Taking a look at my resume, my life looks just as perfection claims. But secretly I
always thought to myself: If they knew what price I pay (. . .) if they knew the secret
– that I can only manage to keep my perfect appearance because I puke as soon as
I get home (. . .) nobody would trust me anymore. (. . .) I was haunted by the fear
that if anybody would discover my secret, nobody would trust me anymore.
Everybody would hate me. I honestly thought that way. And I believed what I
thought. (. . .) When I started attending Meetings I made the experience of sharing
my worst fears and secrets and being acknowledged with them. Today I’m so
grateful because I feel that my private and my public self slowly melt together to be
one again. (Helen S., personal testimonies, collected 2014)
This narrative illustrates the struggle between the two selves: the public and
the private selves. Helen received social acknowledgment for the perfect self
she displayed in public. Helen’s hidden self, the suffering self, remains a
source of deep emotional distress that she treats with her addictive behavior.
In recovery she discovers an ability to bring her two selves together in a
context of healing that is promoted through her group participation.
Cycles of selfishness
The participants also recount patterns and cycles of selfishness. These behaviors are closely related expressions of an emotional illness, such as selfisolation and inner conflicts of self, which characterize various forms of
addiction. This inward focus is described as “self-centeredness and selfpity” and again “as the root of all problems” (AA, 1939, p. 62). This internal
obsession is offset by an outward, exaggerated expression of competitiveness
and of self-importance. Mel T., as a woman member of Underearners
Anonymous, captures this emotional turmoil as she writes:
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I used to be a know-it-all. I was arrogant because I’m insecure. I feel superior to
my family and to all black people (. . .) and I hate white people. So I act like I’m
better than I believe myself to be. There is a lot of compulsive need to prove (. . .) as
the only smart black kid at grammar school. I used to walk into a room and feel
like the entirety of the black people were depending on me to get it right. I think
people are out there to get me, that people are patronizing me because I’m black
and poor and uncultured. I created an attitude of opportunity and enjoyment that
manifest in the appearance of my clothes, my office, my teeth, my hair. (. . .) But
when I ran into situations that showed my ignorance and small living to the world,
I hide. I get scared and intimidated. I hide and bite. (. . .) I create an attitude of
poverty and paucity. (. . .) I even have run from opportunities in the past. I ignore
my inner gifts and strength. (. . .) A lot of that is dissipating now due to writing in
the Steps teaching me to take an honest look at myself. (Mel T., personal testimonies, collected 2014)
Mel T. in this narrative captures another expression of the two competing
selves that are encountered in addictive states. Neither self is an authentic
one, and the conflict between the two produce profound alienation and
isolation, expression of her interior emotional illness, her ability to take “an
honest look at myself” at the beginning of her recovery.
Narratives of emotional recovery
An analysis of the narratives also reveals metaphors and rituals that illustrate
the dynamics associated with recovery. These experiences called “emotional
recovery” are closely related to the pattern of emotional illness described in
the previous section.
Hitting bottom
Many emotional crises characterize the narratives of the group participants
in this study (AA, 2003). “Hitting bottom” differs from the previous crisis
that, though in themselves are painful and devastating, do not confront the
denial of the addictive condition or open the pathway to recovery. Rainer,
a German addicted to alcohol, captures the essence of truly “hitting
bottom” in distinguishing the various “bottoms” he has experienced in
the course of his illness:
My name is Rainer and I’m an alcoholic. I pray to my higher power that the crisis I
recently went through will be my bottom. I’ve often believed I’d hit it, but, so far, I
was doomed to be proved wrong each time. Today I write down my life-story, a
story that I was always afraid to face. I sit down to write, carrying the hope that
writing about my last bottom will help to make it be my last one. (Anonyme
Alkoholiker, 2009, p. 256)
There are many narratives, which replicate Rainer’s experience, when
analyzing these studies. They recount the desperate struggles of persons
with addictions to break the destructive patterns of their addictive behaviors
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and to escape from their profound emotional illness, characterized by powerlessness, hopelessness, self-hatred, and desperation.
The narrative of Eileen, across American woman with addictions captures
her desperate struggle to escapes from the horrors of her addictions to
alcohol and medications:
I knew nothing about Delirium Tremens but I’d scream at the telephone that I’d
split wide open. I knew that alcohol and I had to part. I knew I couldn’t live with it
anymore. And yet, how was I to live without