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CHAPTER 12 SOCIOLOGICAL ASPECTS OF YOUNG AND MIDDLE
ADULTHOOD
George Andrus is spending 55 hours a week getting his insurance business going and uses
his leisure time working around his house. Jenny Savano recently got a divorce, is trying to
raise her three children on a meager monthly public assistance grant, and is attending a
vocational school to train as a secretary. Tom and Eleanor Townsend have their careers
well established, their two children have grown and left home, and they enjoy traveling to
such exotic places as the Greek Isles. Joan Sarauer spends much of her day caring for her
husband, who is dying of emphysema. Carmen and Carlos Garcia attend church every
Sunday and take leadership roles in church activities during the week. Ben Katz and Julie
Immel are seniors in college and are planning their wedding.
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A Perspective
There is obviously considerable variation in the major social interests of young and
middleaged adults. However, there are some fairly common themes: choosing a personal
lifestyle and perhaps marrying; settling into a career; raising children and maintaining a
household; participating in hobbies; becoming grandparents; adjusting to relationship
changes with a spouse and children after the children leave home; and socializing with
friends.
Learning Objectives
This chapter will help prepare students to:
EP 2.1.7a, 2.1.7b
LO 12-1 Describe the following lifestyles and family forms that young adults may enter
into: marriage, cohabitation, single life, parenthood, and the life of a childless couple
LO 12-2 Describe three major sociological theories about human behavior: functionalism,
conflict theory, and interactionism. These are macro-system theories
LO 12-3 Understand three social problems that young and middleaged adults may
encounter: poverty, empty-shell marriages, and divorce. One-parent families, blended
families, and mothers working outside the home will also be discussed
LO 12-4 Understand material on assessing and intervening in family systems
LO 12-5 Summarize material on social work with organizations, including several
theories of organizational behavior
LO 12-6 Describe liberal, conservative, and developmental perspectives on human service
organizations
LO 12-1 Describe the Following Lifestyles and Family Forms
That Young Adults May Enter Into: Marriage, Cohabitation,
Single Life, Parenthood, and the Life of a Childless Couple
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Interaction in Family Systems: Choosing a Personal Lifestyle
Most people make decisions during their young adult years about how they want to live
their adult years. Decisions about lifestyles include whether to marry or stay single;
whether to have children; what kind of career to pursue; what area of the country to live in;
whether to live in an apartment, duplex, or house. (As time goes on, it is important to
remember that a person has a right to make changes in these decisions.) In choosing a
lifestyle, what many people experience is not a matter of ideal choice, but rather a result of
opportunities. In other words, financial resources, personal deficiencies, discrimination,
and so on may greatly limit or modify free choice. In addition, unexpected life events—such
as unplanned pregnancy, divorce, or death of a spouse—can dramatically alter a person’s
lifestyle and family living arrangements. In regard to lifestyles and family forms, we will
take a brief look at marriage, cohabitation, single life, parenthood, and the life of a childless
couple.
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Marriage
Marriage is defined as a legally and socially sanctioned union between two people, resulting
in mutual obligations and rights. Throughout recorded history, regardless of the simplicity
or sophistication of the society, the family has been the basic biological and social unit in
which most adults and children live. In addition, all past and present societies sanction the
family through the institution of marriage. Clayton (1975) suggests that one of the primary
reasons for instituting the custom of marriage was to enable the two partners to enjoy
sexuality as fully as possible with a minimum of anxieties and hazards. The natural sex
drive of men and women needs to be satisfied, yet control needs to be exercised over the
spread of sexually transmitted diseases. Children that result from sexual relationships need
to be raised and cared for.
Close to 92 percent of all adults in our society will get married. More than 90 percent of all
married couples will have children (Papalia et al., 2012). People marry for a variety of
reasons, including desire for children, economic security, social position, love, parents’
wishes, escape, pregnancy, companionship, sexual attraction, common interests, and
adventure. Other reasons for marrying include societal expectations and the psychological
need to feel wanted more than anyone else by someone and to be of value to another
person. Highlight 12.1 presents some theories as to why people choose each other as mates.
In our impersonal and materialistic society, marriage helps meet the need to belong because
it helps to provide emotional support and security, affection, love, and companionship.
HIGHLIGHT 12.1 Theories About Why People Choose Each
Other as Mates
The reasons why people choose each other as partners are complex and vary greatly.
Certainly such factors as religion, age, race, ethnic group, social class, and parental pressure
influence the choice of mates. In addition, many theories suggest additional factors. Some
of these theories are summarized here. No theory fully identifies all of the factors involved
in mate selection, and mate selection may involve aspects of more than one theory.
•
Propinquity theory asserts that being in close proximity is a major factor in mate
selection. This theory suggests we are apt to select a mate with whom we are in close
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association, such as at school or at work, or whom we meet through neighborhood,
church, or recreational activities (Rubin, 1973).
•
Ideal mate theory suggests we choose a mate who has the characteristics and traits we
desire in a partner. This theory is symbolized by the statement, “He’s everything I’ve
ever wanted.”
•
Congruence in values theory holds that our value system consciously and
unconsciously guides us in selecting a mate who has similar values (Grush & Yehl,
1979).
•
Homogamy theory suggests that we select a mate who has similar racial, economic,
and social characteristics.
•
Complementary needs theory holds that we either select a partner who has the
characteristics we wish we had ourselves or someone who can help us be the kind of
person we want to be.
•
Compatibility theory asserts that we select a mate with whom we can enjoy a variety
of activities. This is someone who will understand us, accept us, and with whom we
feel comfortable in communicating because that person has a similar philosophy of
life.
ETHICAL DILEMMA Should You Marry Someone You Are Not
in Love With?
EP 2.1.2
If you are a woman, assume you are four months pregnant. You once were in love with the
father of your unborn child, but no longer are. He is in love with you and wants to marry
you. What do you do? How would you go about arriving at a decision?
If you are a man, assume the woman you have been dating for the past few years is four
months pregnant. You once were in love with her, but no longer are. She is in love with you
and wants to marry you. What do you do? How would you go about arriving at a decision?
What ethical values are involved in such a decision?
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Predictors of Marital Success
A number of studies have sought to identify factors associated with marital happiness and
unhappiness (Kail & Cavanaugh, 2010; Kornblum & Julian, 2012; Papalia et al., 2012;
Santrock, 2013). Some factors can help predict whether a future marriage will be happy or
not. Other factors are related to whether an already existing marriage is happy or not. The
findings of these studies are summarized in Highlight 12.2.
Benefits of Marriage
Marriage leads to the formation of a family, and the family unit is recognized as the primary
unit in which children are to be produced and raised. The marriage bond thus provides for
an orderly replacement of the population. The family is the primary institution for the
rearing and socializing of children.
Marriage also provides an available and regulated outlet for sexual activity. Failure to
regulate sexual behavior would result in clashes between individuals due to jealousy and
exploitation. Every society has rules that regulate sexual behavior within family units (e.g.,
incest taboos).
HIGHLIGHT 12.2 Predictive Factors Leading to Marital
Happiness/Unhappiness
Factors for Marital Happiness
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Factors for Marital Happiness
Premarital Factors
Parents’ marriage is happy
Personal happiness in childhood
Mild but firm discipline by parents
Harmonious relationship with parents
Gets along well with the opposite sex
Acquainted for more than one year before marriage
Parental approval of the marriage
Similarity of age
Satisfaction with affection of partner
Love
Common interests
Optimistic outlook on life
Emotional stability
Sympathetic attitude
Similarity of cultural backgrounds
Compatible religious beliefs
Satisfying occupation and working conditions
A love relationship growing out of companionship rather than infatuation
Self-insight and self-acceptance
Awareness of the needs of one’s partner
Coping ability
Interpersonal social skills
Positive self-identity
Holding common values
Factors During Marriage
Good communication skills
Egalitarian relationship
Good relationship with in-laws
Desire for children
Similar interests
Responsible love, respect, and friendship
Sexual compatibility
Enjoying leisure-time activities together
Companionship and an affectional relationship
Capacity to receive as well as give
Factors for Marital Unhappiness
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Factors for Marital Unhappiness
Premarital Factors
Parents divorced
Parent or parents deceased
Incongruity of main personality traits with partner
Acquainted less than one year before marriage
Loneliness as a major reason for marriage
Escape from one’s own family as major reason for marriage
Marriage at a young age, particularly under age 20
Predisposition to unhappiness in one or both spouses
Intense personal problems
Factors During Marriage
Husband more dominant
Wife more dominant
Jealous of spouse
Feeling of superiority to spouse
Feeling of being more intelligent than spouse
Living with in-laws
Whining, acting defensively, being stubborn, and withdrawing by walking
away or not talking to spouse
Domestic violence
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A marriage is also an arrangement to meet the emotional needs of the partners, such as
affection, companionship, approval, encouragement, and reinforcement for
accomplishments. (Interestingly, Highlight 12.3 indicates that emotional needs are better
satisfied over the long term by rational love than by romantic love.) If people do not have
such affective needs met, emotional, intellectual, physical, and social growth will be stunted.
(Our high divorce rate indicates that this ideal of achieving an emotionally satisfying
relationship is not easily attained.) Married people of all ages tend to report somewhat
higher rates of satisfaction about their lives than do people who are single, divorced, or
widowed (Papalia & Feldman, 2012). Two alternative factors may be operating here—either
a number of people do find happiness in marriage, or else happy people are more apt to be
married.
Marriage also correlates with good health. Married people live longer, particularly men
(Papalia et al., 2012). But we cannot conclude that marriage confers health. Healthy people
may be more interested in getting married, may be better marriage partners, and may
attract mates more easily. Or married people may lead safer, healthier lives than single
people.
Widowed and divorced men have shorter life expectancies than do single men, whose life
expectancy is closest to the rate of married men (Santrock, 2013). Perhaps widowed and
divorced men have shorter life expectancies because they feel they have less to live for.
The marriage relationship encourages personal growth; it provides a setting for the
partners to share their innermost thoughts. In a marriage, a lot of decisions need to be
made. Should the husband and wife both pursue careers? Do they want children? How will
the domestic tasks be divided? How much time will be spent with relatives? Should they buy
a new car or a house? Should a vacation be taken this year; if so, where? Problems in these
areas can erupt into crises that, if resolved constructively, can lead to personal growth.
Through successful resolution, people often learn more about themselves and are better
able to handle future crises. However, if the problems remain unresolved, conflict may
fester and considerable discord result.
Highlight 12.4 summarizes some useful guidelines for building and maintaining a
successful marriage. (This chapter focuses on heterosexual marriages. Chapter 13 provides
some material on gay and lesbian marriages.)
Cohabitation
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Cohabitation is the open living together of an unmarried couple. Most such couples live
together for a relatively short time (less than two years) before they either marry or
separate (Papalia et al., 2012). For some, cohabitation serves as a trial marriage. For others it
offers a temporary or permanent alternative to marriage. And for many young people, it
has become the modern equivalent of dating and going steady.
People who cohabitated before marriage do not have better marriages than those who did
not. In fact, some research shows that couples who lived together before getting married
report lower-quality marriages, a lower commitment to the institution of marriage, and a
greater likelihood of divorce than do noncohabiting couples (Papalia et al., 2012).
Why do couples decide to live together without a marriage ceremony? The reasons are not
fully clear. Many people want close intimate and sexual arrangements but are not ready for
the financial and long-term commitments of a marriage. With our society being more
accepting of cohabitation than in the past, some couples appear to be choosing this living
arrangement. To some extent, they can have friendship, companionship, and a sexual
relationship without the long-term commitment of marriage. Living with someone helps
many young adults to learn more about themselves, to better understand what is involved
in an intimate relationship, and to grow as a person. Cohabitating may also help some
people clarify what they want in a mate and in a marriage.
Cohabitating also has its problems, some of which are similar to those encountered by
newlyweds: adjusting to an intimate relationship, working out a sexual relationship,
overdependency on the partner, missing what one did when living alone, and seeing friends
less. Other problems are unique to cohabitation, such as explaining the relationship to
parents and relatives, discomfort about the ambiguity of the future, and a desire for a longterm commitment from one’s partner.
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HIGHLIGHT 12.3 Romantic Love Versus Rational Love
Achieving a gratifying, long-lasting love relationship is one of our paramount goals. The
experience of feeling in love is exciting, adds meaning to living, and psychologically gives
us a good feeling about ourselves. Unfortunately, few people are able to maintain a longterm love relationship. Instead, many people encounter problems with love relationships,
including falling in love with someone who does not love them; falling out of love with
someone after an initial stage of infatuation; being highly possessive of someone they love;
and having substantial conflicts with the loved one because of differing sets of expectations
about the relationship. Failures in love relationships are more often the rule than the
exception.
The emotion of love, in particular, is often erroneously viewed as a feeling over which we
have no control. A number of common expressions connote or imply this: “I fell in love,” “It
was love at first sight,” “I just couldn’t help it,” and “He swept me off my feet.” It is more
useful to think of the emotion of love as being primarily based on our self-talk (i.e., what we
tell ourselves) about a person we meet.
Romantic love can be diagrammed as follows:
Romantic love is often based on self-talk that stems from intense unsatisfied desires and
frustrations, rather than on reason or rational thinking. Unsatisfied desires and
frustrations include extreme sexual frustration, intense loneliness, parental and personal
problems, and strong desires for security and protection.
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A primary characteristic of romantic love is to idealize the person with whom we are
infatuated; that is, we notice this person has some overt characteristics we desire in a lover
and then conclude that this person has all the desired characteristics.
A second characteristic is that romantic love thrives on a certain amount of distance. The
more forbidden the love, the stronger it becomes. The more social mores are threatened,
the stronger the feeling. (For example, couples who live together and then later marry often
report living together was more exciting and romantic.) The greater the effort necessary to
be with each other (e.g., traveling long distances), the more intense the romance. The
greater the frustration (e.g., loneliness or sexual needs), the more intense the romance.
The irony of romantic love is that if an ongoing relationship is achieved, the romance
usually withers. Through sustained contact, the person in love gradually comes to realize
what the idealized loved one is really like—simply another human being with certain
strengths and limitations. When this occurs, the romantic love relationship either turns
into a rational love relationship, or the relationship is found to have significant conflicts
and dissatisfactions and ends in a broken romance. For people with intense unmet desires,
the latter occurs more frequently.
Romantic love thus tends to be of temporary duration and based on make-believe. A
person experiencing romantic love never loves the real person—only an idealized image of
the person.
Rational love, in contrast, can be diagrammed in the following way:
The following are ingredients of a rational love relationship: You are clear and
comfortable about your desires, identity, and goals in life. You know the other person well.
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You have accurately and objectively assessed the loved one’s strengths and shortcomings
and are generally accepting of the shortcomings. Your self-talk about this person is
consistent with your short- and long-term goals. Your self-talk is realistic and rational, so
that your feelings are not based on fantasy, excessive desires, or pity. You and this person
are able to communicate openly and honestly, so that problems can be dealt with when
they arise and so that the relationship can continue to grow and develop. Rational love also
involves giving and receiving; it involves being kind, showing affection, knowing and doing
what pleases the other person, communicating openly and warmly, and so on.
Because love is based on self-talk that causes feelings, it is we who create love.
Theoretically, it is possible to love anyone by making changes in our self-talk. On the other
hand, if we are in love with someone, we can gauge the quality of the relationship by
analyzing our self-talk to determine the nature of our attraction and to determine the
extent to which our self-talk is rational and in our best interests.
SOURCE: Charles Zastrow, You Are What You Think: A Guide to Self-Realization. Chicago:
Nelson-Hall, 1993.
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HIGHLIGHT 12.4 Guidelines for Building and Maintaining a
Happy Marriage
A successful and satisfying marriage requires ongoing work by each partner. The following
are some useful guidelines on how to achieve and maintain a successful marriage:
1.
Make your spouse feel special. We fall in love because of the way we feel about
ourselves when we are with that person. If we fall out of love, it is because that person
no longer makes us feel good about ourselves.
2.
Seek to foster the happiness, personal growth, and wellbeing of your spouse as much
as you seek to foster your own happiness and personal growth.
3.
Seek to use the no-lose problem-solving approach (described in Highlight 12.7), rather
than the win-lose technique to settle conflicts with partners. Be tolerant and accepting
of trivial shortcomings and annoyances.
4.
Do not try to possess, stifle, or control your partner. Also, do not seek to mold your
partner into a carbon copy of your opinions, values, beliefs, or your personal likes and
dislikes.
5.
Be aware that everyone has up-and-down mood swings. When your partner is in a
down cycle, be considerate and understanding.
6.
When arguments occur—and they will—try to fight fair. Limit the discussion to the
issue at hand, and keep past events and personality traits out of the fight.
7.
Be affectionate, share pleasant events, and be a friend and a good listener.
8.
Keep the lines of communication open. Learn to bite the bullet on minor or
unimportant issues. Voice the concerns that are important to you, but in a way that
does not attack, blame, or threaten the other person. Try to use I-messages (described
in Highlight 12.7).
Closely related to cohabitating is a relationship in which the man and woman maintain
separate addresses and domiciles, but live together for several days a month (perhaps on
weekends). This latter form is more of a trial honeymoon than a trial marriage. When
people live together for only a few days a month, they are apt to seek to put their best foot
forward.
In some recent instances, courts have decided that cohabitating couples who dissolve their
nonmarital living arrangements have certain legal obligations to one another. For example,
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under certain circumstances, such as an oral agreement between two individuals to pool
their earnings, some courts view assets acquired during the time the couple was living
together as “marital property,” which then is divided (sometimes not equally) between the
two individuals after the relationship is dissolved.
Ethical Questions 12.1
EP 2.1.2
If you are currently involved in a love relationship with someone, do you seek to make that
person feel special? Does your partner seek to lead you to feel good about yourself?
Common-law marriage is an irregular form of marriage that can be legally contracted in a
limited number of jurisdictions. The original concept of a common-law marriage is a
marriage that is considered valid by both partners, but has not been formally registered
with a state or church registry. Common-law marriages can be contracted in nine states in
the United States (Alabama, Colorado, Iowa, Kansas, Montana, Rhode Island, South Carolina,
Texas, and Utah). It is also a legal contract in the District of Columbia. The requirements for
a common-law marriage to be validly contracted differ from state to state. Despite much
belief to the contrary, the length of time a man and a woman live together does not by itself
determine whether a common-law marriage exists. All states in the United States recognize
common-law marriages lawfully contracted in those jurisdictions that permit it.
Single Life
Some people choose to remain single; they like being alone and prefer not being with others
much of the time. Others end up being single because they do not find a partner they want
to marry or because they are in a relationship with a partner who chooses not to marry.
Historically, there was a greater expectation that people would marry than at the present
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lifestyle to seek.
Single people have fewer emotional and financial obligations. They do not need to
consider how their decisions and actions will affect a spouse and children. They are freer to
take economic, physical, and social risks. They can devote more time to the pursuit of their
individual interests.
Studies reviewed by Papalia and her associates (2012) reported the following advantages
of being single as listed by respondents who were not married: satisfaction of being selfsufficient, increased career opportunities, an exciting lifestyle, mobility, sexual availability,
the freedom to change, opportunities to have a variety of experiences, opportunities to play
a variety of roles, and opportunities to have friendships with a variety of people. Reported
disadvantages of being single include wondering how single people fit into the social world
of mostly married people, lack of companionship, concerns about how well friends and
family accept unmarried adults, and concerns about how being single affects self-esteem.
Parenthood
The birth of a baby is a major life event. (See Highlight 12.5 for information on parental
gender preferences.) Caring for a baby changes lifestyles of parents and also changes the
marriage. For some, having a child (who is totally dependent) is a troublesome crisis. For
others, caring for a baby is viewed as a fulfillment and an enhancement of life. For many
couples, parenthood has troublesome aspects while also enhancing their lives.
What are some of the problem areas of parenthood? The birth of a baby signals to parents
that they are now adults and no longer children; they now have responsibilities not only to
themselves, but also in caring for someone who needs 24-hour care. A baby demands a huge
amount of time and attention.
Women generally assume the majority of both household and child-care responsibilities.
Levinson and Levinson (1996) found that the more the division of labor in a marriage
changes from egalitarian to traditional, the more marital happiness declines, especially for
nontraditional wives.
Thompson and Walker (1989) found that onethird of mothers view mothering as both
enjoyable and meaningful, a third find it unpleasant and not meaningful, and another third
report mixed experiences. Fathers tend to treasure and to be emotionally committed to
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their children, but they generally report less enjoyment in looking after them than mothers
do.
Why do people have children? Historically, in agricultural and preindustrial societies,
children were an economic asset; their labor was important in planting and harvesting
crops and in tending domestic animals. Parents wanted large families to help with the work.
When parents grew old children tended to provide much of the care. Because children were
an economic asset, values were gradually established that it was natural and desirable for
married couples to want to have children. Motherhood became invested with a unique
emotional aura. Some psychological theories reflected this aura by asserting that women
(interestingly, not men) had a nurturing instinct that could only be fulfilled by having and
caring for children. (It now appears the supposed nurturing instinct was in reality a value
that was largely learned by women through socialization.)
HIGHLIGHT 12.5 Parental Gender Preferences
In most countries, boys are generally preferred to girls. Although it is the male’s sperm that
determines the gender of the child,* in many developing countries and countries where the
status of women is low, a woman’s capacity to remain married may depend on her
producing sons. In some of these countries, boys are fed better, given better medical care,
and receive more schooling. The death rate for female children is significantly higher than
for male children because female children are more apt to be neglected.
In the United States, couples who want only one child usually desire a boy. Those who
want two generally desire one of each; and those who prefer three usually want two boys
and one girl. Men, in particular, tend to have a strong p